Conflict is rooted in expectations and you're either failing to define them, or you're not living up to them. This could be conflict within yourself or within a relationship. But, when you can define what it is that you want for yourself and others, it will start to propel you in the direction of that desire.
What you do after the expectation is not met though, is the true test of a relationship. It's at this point, that conflict will either be created or not. So, how you handle yourself after a failure will either make your relationship stronger or it will weaken it.
So, once I've let myself or my partner down, I have a few choices in what I'm going to do. Let's say I had promised myself that I would practice Yoga on a particular day and then came up with every excuse in the book not to go, and then secretly ended up at the local watering hole, drinking Moscow Mules and eating a greasy burger while all my fellow Yogis were sweating their asses off. (Not that I would ever do anything like that! Lol). I'm going to have to choose to handle letting myself down in either a positive or a negative way.
I am either going to beat myself up over it and think about all of the bad things that I'm doing to myself. Or, I will choose to believe the best about myself, knowing that I will get right back up and be just fine. There is way more value in the latter, because handling the failure to meet expectations in a positive way will naturally start to pull me in that direction.
By reacting in a positive way to this let down, I also will not be causing the additional conflict of demeaning myself, such as lower self esteem and even less motivation. Instead, I will be communicating love, compassion, trust and acceptance for myself. This automatically makes me a stronger and happier person, the same way it would in a relationship if there were a similar failure to meet expectations.
These are some of the rules that I have learned to live by:
~ Start with setting expectations.
~ Avoid conflict in the first place, by trying to meet those expectations.
~ A failure is an opportunity to love myself or another person.
~ Believing the best will create a positive energy, naturally pulling me towards it.
~ Assuming the worst will cause conflict.
~ The choice to build love is mine.